relationships fail because of infidelity.
It is painful to admit you suspect your partner adultery. Removing doubt about cheating is essential if you want your relationship to last. Unless you are involved with an out and out sociopath, your partner will exhibit guilt when doing something that could hurt you. Know if you are overreacting due to your own insecurities, or if there is cause for alarm. Below are steps you can follow if you fear partner may be involved with someone else.
1.Ask if you satisfy them erotically
Sound forward? Even if it seriously challenges your comfort zone, mutually satisfying sex is essential to successful relationships. Is your relationship still so new that you haven’t taken that step yet? Then, talk about that possibility. When erotically involved with someone else, they will probably act defensive. If they are only thinking about it, you can bring their thoughts back to you.
2. Be observant and curious
Relationships are based on sharing and trust. If your partner is committed, they shouldn’t mind telling you who was on the phone. If you are married or living together and have common accounts, you should also have access to statements. Even if your significant other is the financial ‘mastermind’, you have the right to know. Unusual telephone activity or credit card charges can alert you to an affair brewing.
3. Investigate clues before confrontation about adultery
The cliché phone number written in lipstick is less common than movies would have us think. But a number scribbled on a cocktail napkin, or a receipt from a restaurant/hotel you haven’t been to can alert you. If you find something follow it up. If it is a phone number, call pretending to confirm a delivery order. Claim you can’t read the name or address and see what they tell you. If it is a receipt, look at the date/time stamp on it. Think about where your partner told you they were then.
4. Observe their browsing and mobile habits
They suddenly spend more time on line or texting: find reasons to pass by doing chores or bring them something to eat or drink. They make efforts to hide what they are doing: e.g. if they cover their phone or minimize whatever they were looking at on their laptop, they may be up to something. Cheaters get agitated because they have a guilty conscience. That is very different from being excited about planning your surprise vacation.
5. Monitor their online activity
When you both use a device, it isn’t difficult to check the browser history. If your partner is tech savvy and clears the browser history and downloads/temporary files, that can alert you to activity they don’t want you to see. Key logger software can reveal their activity. You don’t need access to their devices, use a professional service. They can find active accounts on dating/hookup sites or platforms with just a name and email address.
ASK YOUR GUT THESE QUESTIONS:
- Do you believe the relationship has a realistic future?
- Do you sense the relationship is at risk?
- Are you willing to work at saving it?
If you answered yes to any or all of those questions, then it is time to take action. Engage your partner in actively building the foundations of a solid relationship, together. Or, accept the fact that you may be expecting more from the relationship than your partner is emotionally willing or able to give. Relationships require both partners’ participation. If it doesn’t work out that is not your individual failure or responsibility. You have the right and responsibility to protect yourself from heartache. Create the loving and honest relationship you deserve.